Creative Meanderings

It is 6:00am, I tiptoed out this morning and am perched at a small bistro table at the Starbucks in Cypress. Sweats, pajama shorts, run down Birkenstocks, hubby sleeping at home and Lily snuggled soundly in her crib. Lily is one, making all sorts of sounds and babbles, crawling, side walking, and eating all of the foods. Last night she slurped down pad thai noodles at Manaow with the Peacocks - followed by a walk alongside the pedestrian path by our old Ximeno place in Belmont Shore. She is full of giggles, screams, sounds and excitement. 

I am typing quickly, there's not much time to be poetic. But I paused, or perhaps ended, my seven years as a middle school art teacher at Cerro Villa Middle as of two days ago. I feel as though I am standing on the precipice of something new, something unknown. I wanted to start this blog as a creative outlet for some thoughts that is a safe, easy way to get my thoughts flowing. 

Questions on my heart:

Where does my identity lie? What is the purpose of this new season? Is what I contribute or yield correlated to my worth? What will others think?

I feel a creative spark I haven't felt in ages - a hunger to create, but unsure of exactly what. I am struggling with fitting the pieces together.  But very excited - so excited I could not sleep the past few hours and made my way out this cloudy morning to come seek inspiration and jot down my thoughts. Perhaps God allotted this very window of time to heal my creative spirit - one filled with doubts and uncertainty. 

Some thoughts from 2011, thirteen some years ago...

I miss making art, mainly the freedom I had in which to create it, and the feeling that comes with expressing this certain thought, or emotion, or idea, that I have in my head.  I wonder if people understand what I mean when I say I'm unable to explain something, but I can show it to them through a photograph.  It's as though this idea is sparked in my head, but to complete it I must go through the process of seeing, searching, finding, capturing all at once this indescribable thing and translating it into a visual work.  It feels like breathing, natural, deep, pure.  And at the moment I exhale, the moment I finish a piece of work, I feel relief, and just as the next breath eventually comes, so does the next idea.

I want my daughter to be proud of who her mama is, to feel like I've followed my course to my purpose. I pray for creative, spiritual, mental, revival in this new season of rest - to bring each project and hope to the Creator of good things.